Yet another post with mixed up feelings.

I just threw a tantrum, walking home after being insulted. I admit I was being a bit petty. But would YOU like it if you own MUM say this kind of things to you?

"Eh your skin look like blahblah's (this guy beside me), so dark one, hahahaha."

and

"If we told people you're his daughter they'll definitely believe it!"

and then,

"Take picture leh take picture."

Wtf? And my sis even entertain her by taking her phone out, and SERIOUSLY going to take a picture. Of me and that guy. -.- I've already exclaimed LOUDLY that they're being IRRITATING, and yet, my mum even took the phone and attempt to take a picture. I just stood up, and walked home.


What's wrong with her? Yes, she's joking. Yes, she doesn't mean it. But how could she say that? ): Doesn't she know how hurtful it is? To say that I look like some other people's daughter, laughing at your own daughter skin colour when I don't even LIKE it. I don't even want it. YOU were the one who gave birth to me this way. And yet I kept getting insults from YOU.


My sis? Oh she just adds fuel to the fire. She INSULTS with my mum, LAUGHING at me, and even agreeing things with her.


I'll tell a secret. Of why have I always been so diffident of myself. Because of all these insults from my OWN FAMILY. Telling you your fashion sense sucks, your taste so old-fashion, your hair so ugly, yada-yada-yada. It's like they telling me "oh stop trying, cause no matter how much you try you're still _______."


Do you have any idea how much it hurts?


I know, it's a trivial matter, it's nothing to be so angry and pissed about. Blame it on my mens, or whatever. Or maybe my attitude just sucks, whatever shit you'd like to say. But it do hurts.


So what if they're joking? Should parents and sibling even joke about this? They don't feel anything, since they're the one insulting. They're the one having fun. We're the one feeling left out, unloved.


Yeah you can say i'm exaggerating. But I've always felt that my mum likes my sis better. Like they can communicate better, they talk to e/o about stuff in their life. My mum never tells me about what happens. Whenever my sis come home, my mum will keep talking to her, and I'll only get to know stuff when she's talking to my sis. I just feel left out. It's like, I can't exactly talk to her about school, band, things that I want to share. Maybe it's the age gap, maybe I'm too immature to understand? Idk. I just want to chat with you like how you've always chat with sis, mum.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous of my sis. I guess she has her reasons not chatting with me about life.

Whenever parents say things like, "I should have left you outside someone's door/rubbish chute." or , "You don't look like my son/daughter, maybe you're someone else's." and even, "How stupid can you get?" They should really start to put themselves in his/her own child's shoe. It pulls down our confidence okay.
IT HURTS.



Ah whatever. When my mum comes home, everything will be fine, I'm sure. We'd treat as if nothing has happened, and talk as normal. Nevertheless, I still love my mum. She's in-trend, funny, and one that will fight for justice. Just that her flaw might be saying stuff w/o thinking about how he/she will feel. I should take more note in that too, in case I get that gene from her, haha. *sigh.


Gah I'm feeling mood swings so easily these few days. Must be pms. Maybe just like what my sis say, "...because of small reasons then angry.." and "...temper don't know what to say." Or maybe I'm falling sick and feeling cranky. Idk. I'll apologize to those that I've vent my anger on you. If any. :)


Stupid mens.